Okay, maybe not no mood. Because I just have been at a loss to write anything. No, I have loads of shit I wanna blog but now can’t seem to bring myself to do it…yet. Not in a good mood recently. A very personal issue got to me and someone and I had to make the toughest choice yet.

.

I thought long and hard and it’s an issue that has been bugging me since last year. Sadly, deep down, I always felt it’s true, but because I know she’s a friend I treasure, I tried to deny it. But I slapped myself one night because I can’t afford to hold myself back. I made promises. I learned a lot of things so I can have that ability to teach her. But now I feel that because of her own persoanl issues, she is not willing to commit 110% to what she aimed to do.

In the end, I’m just another friend whom is needed when nothing is there to help her and the moment a man is in her life, I’m nothing more then a redundant tool thrown aside. I had to stop denying this. Because this is the cold hard truth. I scolded myself, screwed myself, and told myself to wake the fuck up. Because right now, forget it. Move ahead, move forward.

.

.

I perked up my English ability to help her, but if she can’t take that step forward, I can’t help her anymore. But I feel she’s just going to pull herself back deliberately just to meet that man’s needs maybe?

.

.

The most shameful thing I hate is that I made a promise to refine and build her skills to a higher level in F & B…I promised. and the ironic thing is I didn’t back out of this promise, I can’t fufill it because the person I promised to isn’t there to take that promise. It’s like taking a shit, but not in a toilet bowl. What a damn embarrassment. I feel like a total fucking idiot because I made a promise, and I didn’t break it, yet I am forced to break it. Fuck.

.

.

.

Some of you might know who I’m talking about. But be it you know or not, one thing you must get straight. Be a man and have balls to make promises. But it’s never wrong if you can’t fufill what you promised to and to whom you promised.

I deleted her from Facebook. Don’t take it personally, but I find that this friend…can be a distraction to my work. Forget it. My time, and my worth is better spent on people worth the time and effort. Sadly, I use to think she is, and she was, until she decided to stop moving forward in a proper pace.

.

.

.

.

I won’t be so nice the next round she calls. No chance. To think I almost give my most treasured gift which I have kept for years only that it should be given to a person who made a difference in my life. She almost did, but she’s not a person who deserves to be someone who has made a positive impact to my life.

…

…Well, till I settle down and get back to 200% focus, I’ll start blogging again. I totally need a fucking break. Well, maybe after the 14th of this month.